13 September 2007

My lip gloss is poppin'

Let's get straight to the point. At Kansas City Royals games - or probably any other professional baseball games - each player gets to choose songs to play over the P.A. while they walk up to the batter's box. We'll call these "walk-up songs." (I know. Clever.) So each player chooses two songs, and said songs are alternated between at-bats. I'm not for certain the exact "science" of it, but I'm guessing the players can pretty much change their walk-up song selections whenever they darn well please.

Many of the selections are just songs that get you pumped up - though I can't understand for the life of me why someone would choose to listen to Creed. Ever. (Second baseman Mark Grudzielanek's song.)

Then there's catcher Jason Larue. I go comatose whenever he comes up to bat, because his stinking song is some lame-o country song about "what I like about Sundays." There's a reason you're batting a .146 average, buddy ... because any ounce of motivation to smack the ball out of the park evaporates the moment your country crooner comes on the P.A. Boo that man!

There was about a three-week span in which I thought outfielder Emil Brown was either lamer than I thought he was, or he lost a bet. I'm actually leaning towards the latter. Before the All-Star Break, he had some sort of rap song on - pretty standard, really. Upon returning, though, and continuing for approximately three weeks, the dude walks up to bat and "I'm not ready to make nice" by the Dixie Chicks is ringing in my ears. Words can't describe the look of confusion that plastered my face. I'm not going to lie, the prospect of him losing a bet was pretty funny, but novelty wore off quickly.

Now to my favorite player. Right fielder Mark Teahen. Not only can this guy throw a runner out from the parking lot, he's just plain funny. His sense of humor is about as dry as Subway's "bread." (Zing! ... ?) For the majority of the season, his walk-up songs were these Mexican salsa songs ... that consequently made me boogie and shimmy in my seat. Yeah, I get weird looks. Whatever. Little did I know that Teahen's latest walk-up song change would delight me to an unknown degree. Now is the time in which my blog title ties in. That's right. His new song is "Lip Gloss" by "Lil' Mama." Lil' Mama is an 18-year-old rapper. Unlike many seemingly innocent songs that are actually sexual euphemisms, "Lip Gloss" is really just about lip gloss. Genius. For those of you unfamiliar, here are some of the song's lyrics - which illustrate the pure humor in the fact that it's someone's walk-up song:

"They say my lip gloss is cool
My lip gloss be poppin
I'm standing at my locker
and all the boys keep stoppin"

...

"They say my lip gloss is poppin
My lip gloss is cool
All the boys be jockin
They chase me after school"

The lyrics continue, but that's about as far as they get when Teahen comes to bat. Uh. Maze. Ing. Seriously ... I love that he doesn't take himself so seriously, and that he's secure enough to choose a song purely for comic value, no matter what the lyrics/content.

So, to close, I'd like to provide the song in which I would walk up to should I somehow turn male and ripped enough to be a professional baseball player. A little song called "Jump on it" - the version done by Sir Mix-a-Lot. Why? Because I'd like to think that at least one person in the crowd would do this dance to accompany the song:



Yep.