Nautical Knows

Lessons learned on a cruise vacation:

• You are capable of packing the "just right" amount of clothes.
• As fab as they may be, wearing large sunglasses gives you a funny tan.
• You still hate bananas, even if they're fresh off the vine.
• Do research on all of your stops otherwise you'll never escape all that tourist crap.
• Ocean waves ruin cameras. Oops.
• Your obsession with fresh passion fruit begins in St. Lucia and ends never.
• You will need to go back to St. Maarten. Stat.
• Hearing UB40 20+ times a day will have the opposite effect you think it would: you will love them even more than you already do.
• Don't worry ... you'll still get a tan if you wear sunscreen (and reapply it many times throughout the day).
• On a related note, heat rash probably resembles some sort of STD even if it is on your hands. (Which makes it even more suspicious.) Put the sunscreen everywhere, dummy.
• Canadians do not wash their hands after using the restroom. This nation could have saved themselves some embarrassment by being more conspicuous. But ALL of them were toting maple leafs so I am not jumping to conclusions here, people.
• If you're going to go on a booze cruise, don't do it on the last day of the vacation. Remember that 4-hour flight followed by a 2-hour flight you have tomorrow? Yeah.
• It's probably not cool to ask that guy with dreadlocks if he's "irie."
• Buzzed is better than drunk.
• It will never get better than watching March Madness on a giant screen and poolside. With a mojito in hand.
• It is possible to crave healthy food. After a week of grease, all you'll want is some freaking lettuce.
• You are blessed.