Why winter is stupid

• My hair gets so staticky, I'm certain I resemble the teacher from The Magic School Bus. Miss Frizzle, I presume?

• I have to either a) wake up early or, 2) decide to be late to the office in order to scrape the ice off my car windows. Lack of covered parking is really what sucks in this situation, but I'm blaming it on winter anyway. (Oh and, P.S., I usually choose the latter of these options. Shhh, don't tell.)

• Something about me is I don't pay attention to weather forecasts. So the only time I'm exposed to the current temperature situation is when I pass the UMB time/temp sign on I-35 on the way to work. It's not even the coldest month of our Midwest winter, and bank sign tells me it's 5 freaking degrees. If that's not stupid, I don't know what is. (Oh, wind chill, that's what.)

• Doing anything at any store is a nightmare.

• Snow gives people reason to park 20 feet apart, therefore creating approximately five spots in a 25-spot lot. Idiots.

• Fuzzy Crocs. As if Crocs aren't bad enough, you think putting some fuzz in there is going to keep your feet warm outside? I mean, really?

• Showering is painful. When my toes are freezing, even after I cover them with thick socks and park my feet in front of the space heater, stepping into the shower with said freezing toesies is just wrong.

• When I have to go somewhere that requires packing, an extra bag is required. For shoes. Because winter shoes take up more space. Suck.

• I have to look at ugly lawn decorations. I'm all for the Christmas lights (within reason), but the 10-foot inflatable snow man with spinning snow ball in hand is just awful. Get a clue. And you know what, I can even deal with one. A single lawn decoration is your prerogative. But when you get twenty of them out there, it becomes our problem, too.

• I won't even start on the driving situation.

• No tan. Enough said.

Definitions by Molly

Home Sick - 4 dictionary results

[hohm sik]
Noun, adjective, whatever the heck you want it to be.

1. Nap time.
2. Opportunity to finish more work than in the office. Unless Elf comes on TV when you break for lunch, of course. Then you become about as productive as a Cotton Headed Ninny Muggins.
3. An excuse to feel ok about eating the Campbell's Chicken Gumbo condensed soup you've loved since you were a kid. So much that you eat it 2-3 times a week as an adult. Grown up shmown up.
4. An excuse to stay in your pajamas all day. (Unlike when you do the same on one or both weekend days. Not ok.)

Filler

Tire shopping and shoe shopping. Seemingly unrelated, but here's why they're exactly alike:

• You need tread so you don't fall on your face/in a ditch.

• They have to fit just right or there will be repercussions.

• Sometimes, they cost $400. Or more.

• They always go on sale right after you buy them.

Ah, adulthood

Let me begin this entry with an unrelated note: "Gotta Potty" was my 69th post. Hahahahahaha, 69. Ok, back to being 24.

Every once in a while, I have a moment that makes me feel very much like an adult. Most of them suck. Paying bills, going to work every day, hangovers. But some of them make me a little happy, inside and out. Exhibit A: Christmas lights on the house.

J and I put up our tree last weekend. I got way antsy after Thanksgiving. But we had to delay the outdoor festive twinklers until we had a game plan. (Not sure why houses in 1927 weren't built with outdoor electric outlets. Sheesh.) After much deliberation, a few "friendly" discussions about multi-color vs. white lights, we came to an agreement. Colored LED lights on the ginormous Blue Spruce. White lights on the bushes/porch/roof.

So we took a trek to Wal-Mart. Bought the goods and waited anxiously for our plan-free Saturday to arrive. We bundled up, got started on the stringing ... four trips to Wal-Mart and approximately $100 later, J's house looks pretty adorable for a first run. The even more adult-y part of it is despite the fact that the Blue Spruce isn't even close to covered, we're totally ok with dedicating $50-$100 more next year just to make it sparkle for the month of December from here on out.



(If you're asking yourself "But where are the roof lights?" ... hold your freakin' horses. We are currently without ladder, so the roof will be lined with lights this week. Just calm down.)

P.S. I finished all my gift wrapping, too. I win.

Gotta potty

Channeling the every day from a Larry David masterpiece ... here we go again.

I'm driving home. I have to pee. Really, really bad. I call J to let him know I'm on the way over, so I present you with distraction number one. Distraction numero dos comes in the form of Hobo Man, dancing around in the streets of downtown KC. Not only am I driving from a direction I'm less familiar with, as it's not a daily route, but I'm concerned with car punching the homeless fellow. (Also a little entertained by his show.) I miss my exit and venture into KCK. I find my way back on route, but my detour did not help the need-to-pee situation.

I get across town, 5-7 minutes from J's house. But I am now driving behind a city bus. A slow city bus. Ok, the pee situation is getting worse. I mean, the kind where if I sneezed, I'd probably pittle a little. 10-15 blocks later, I realize I'm not only driving behind a slow city bus, but the bus is driving behind a slow bicycle rider. (There was a trail running parallel to the street. Thanks, jerkface.) Now, even small bumps I drive over render me helpless.

This is the stuff that bladder infections are made of.