25 February 2009

Gooooooooulet

I've made a recent discovery of an abomination on the catalog phenomenon, if such a thing exists ... does it? I think I just made that up. Nay, I'm positive I did. It's what I do, deal with it. Anyway, two words, my friends: Midnight Velvet.

I'm not sure how to describe this publication. It's a mish-mash of women's clothing - definitely not worthy of a fashion classification - and home decor. Upon further research on their website ... I can't believe they deem this stuff worthy of a website ... I have learned they also offer furniture and "bed and bath." Joy! Let me share some of the gems this waste of paper and postage fees displays.

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They call this the Watercolor Pant Set. I've read that watercolor prints are "in" this year. I'm also certain this is not what they meant. I think I saw this actual watercolor painting in our 1989 rental home at Beaver Lake. "1989" and "Beaver Lake" being the operative terms that exemplify why it should not be adapted to a piece of clothing. Also, I'm fairly confident in saying anything involving a "set" in clothing is meant for ages 7 and under. There's also a whole category on the site dedicated to pant sets. Not ok. And let's note that this specific piece of work is dry clean only. In my terms? Trash can filled with kerosene and a lit match only. We could also talk about how this is $130 ... but I digress.

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For the love of fashion, who told someone Bedazzling is back? It's not. I assure you. And beg you to stop.

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I think the suit section is my favorite. And by "favorite" I mean "makes me gag the most." Mostly because all the suits come with matching handbags and hats. Oh the hats! I mean, I can go for a big, obnoxious hat at the Kentucky Derby. But I think we can all agree that she's not going to the Kentucky Derby. And if nothing else, let's get one thing clear ... not many pieces of clothing should don this hue of purple. Let alone an entire collection of accessories to go with it.

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I mean, really?

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Holy jackpot, I just discovered the men's section. Look out, J. Your birthday is coming up...

And just for a little taste of Midnight Velvet's versatility...

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Oh good! I've been wondering where I can find a glass orb complete with jellyfish design.

The best part about receiving this catalog? The callout sticker on the front telling me, "Be careful! This could be your last issue. Order now!" Is that a threat or a promise? Please let it be a promise.

13 February 2009

That just happened

Me (to J): "I love cuddling with you in the morning. It's my favorite part of the day."

J: "Really?"

Me: "Yup."

J: "Mine's lunch."


My boyfriend loves me.

Valentine

I'm going to put it out there: I love Valentine's Day. And I'll even go so far to say that I'm anti-people who are anti-Valentine's Day. All this talk about "made up holiday" ... "greeting card holiday" blah blah blah. What the F ever. First of all, don't buy a greeting card if you don't want it to be a greeting card holiday. Smart. And I find it funny that the vast majority of those who are against the proverbial Hallmark Holiday do so in attempt to be non-conformist. But I do believe that the majority is now anti-V-Day ... who's the nonconformist now? Idiots.

Second of all ... made up holiday? I don't care. I see nothing wrong with having a day dedicated to reminding your sweetie, or anyone else close to your heart, know how much you love them. Yes, this should happen every day of the year. But let's be honest ... it doesn't. We get in fights, we get complacent, we take things for granted. So let's take a step back and remember why we love the people we do and show them. There's a special day for your mom (ha), your dad and everyone in between. What about Saint freaking Patrick's Day? Why is it ok to have a holiday dedicated to getting wasted on beer tainted with food coloring, but not ok to have a holiday dedicated to love?

But where would we be without made up holidays anyway? Hippies and eco-enthusiasts alike are given a day for the Earth they love. Federal employees, and the five of us with an obsession of Columbus are given a day to give props. (I wonder if the filmmaker feels bad that he doesn't have a holiday.) But are we so uncomfortable with expressing love that we need to dispute a day for it?

I don't need chocolates, flowers or a Vermont Teddy Bear ... though the latter is absolutely hilarious. What I love about February 14th is the aura. It reminds me of making Valentine boxes from old shoe boxes in elementary school. Of the small care package my mom would have waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs every V-Day, without fail. (I still miss them.) I look forward to watching a movie, eating some takeout and letting J know that he is the Hidden Valley to my ranch.

Aaaaand scene.

03 February 2009

25

So it's February. And a) I didn't blog as much as I told myself I would in January. I get a big fat F ... surprise, surprise. 2) I'm turning 25 in two weeks. I'm not one to get overly excited about birthdays. Nor do I feel bothered by them. But 25 is kind of a milestone. I mean, I get a discount on my car insurance. I don't care if it's $5 less a month, it's the principle of the matter.

So anyway, there's this thing on Facebook going around called 25 Things. People write down 25 random things about themselves for all the FB world to see. I thought it only appropriate that I tell you 25 things about myself on the year of my 25th anniversary as Molly Jane. (Ok, it's kind of a cop out to not post it on FB ... and it's also a free pass from thinking of a blog on my own, but if you judge me for it, you're dumb.)

Here's what I got:

1.) At work and in public restrooms in general, I have to plug my ears otherwise I can't pee. Even if there's no one in there, the aura gives me "stage fright."

2.) Look, you know this about me already ... but I freaking hate cardboard. It's disgusting. More disgusting than thinking about Donatella Versace topless. Did you see that?! Ew.

3.) My closet is color-coordinated.

4.) I'm secretly reading the Twilight books. Crap ... my secret's out.

5.) I play Dance Dance Revolution as a form of exercise. And I'm pretty good at it. (I also sweat a lot.)

6.) When I was a kid, I pretended one of those battery-powered lint removers was a razor. I pressed it to my cheek, and had a circle of dots on my cheek for at least six months. I was a smart kid.

7.) I know all the words to the song "We Didn't Start the Fire."

8.) Three of my girlfriends and I once kidnapped and "tortured" a friend because he stole the 8-ball from All's pool table at a party. It's one of my favorite memories. How the kidnapped party feels about it? Yeah, I don't know. It was all in good fun but we did duct tape him to a merry-go-round in the park and drive off for a bit ...

9.) Out of boredom, a group of friends and I chipped in to purchase a toilet at Home Depot and proceeded to spend hours taking turns sitting on it at a busy intersection.

10.) I play three instruments and one of them is the handbells.

11.) I first watched Sixteen Candles when I was 6 when my 6 siblings and I were home alone. For some reason, the scene where Jake Ryan calls Samantha's house late at night several times from his house party stuck in my mind. After we finished watching, I went up to my room, and pretended like I was scared that someone kept calling me and I dialed 911 ... even though in my mind I was going to resolve my fears with my true love, Jake. Yeah ... the police had to come to the house because I dialed and hung up. Oops. And Sixteen Candles is still one of my favorite movies regardless of the embarrassing association my memories have with it.

12.) I can shoot water at least 10 feet through the gap in my teeth. I haven't taken official projectile measurements, but trust me on it.

13.) When I was 7 I ate an entire pan of Stouffer's lasagna by myself. No lie. (I also probably wasn't full afterward.)

14.) I hate two bands: Oasis and Hootie and The Blowfish. The rest I just kind of dislike are negotiable. Those ... are not.

15.) I will always love really bad jokes and immature ones, too. Example of the former: How come no one in the ocean likes lobsters? Because they're shellfish. Example of the latter: My boyfriend told me he played Call of Duty last night. I said, "Hahahaha, you said duty."

16.) I moved into my apartment six months ago and I still haven't put anything up on my walls, even though most of the stuff is laying against the respective walls it will live on. Hi, I'm lazy, nice to meet you.

17.) J calls me Noodle. I call him Dinosaur. Just an example of how dumb we are because we really make no sense. I also call him Doobie Brother, and I have no idea why.

18.) I get the "Lambchops Underwear" theme song stuck in my head far too often to make any sort of sense.

19.) When I eat burritos, I pick them up and kind of toss them in my hand. I don't know if I'm testing the weight or if it's just a weird quirk. I'm guessing it's the quirk thing.

20.) In other meal news, I apparently go all OCD on the way my food is arranged. I have to turn the plate so that the entree is on the right and the side is on the left. If I'm eating fast food, I have to fold the wrapper in a square before I start in.

21.) I'm oddly obsessed with amusement parks. I could talk for hours about Disneyworld and Universal Studios. And words can't describe how excited I am for the new Harry Potter theme park. For serious.

22.) I have eight bottles of perfume, but I almost always forget to put any on in the morning.

23.) I think I'm totally boring.

24.) I buy kids' bandaids. I currently have Batman and Harry Potter. They're kind of awesome.

25.) My favorite game at birthday parties as a kid was a food relay. You'd wrap different types of food in aluminum foil, split into relay teams, and each person would have to run to a chair, pick a food, eat all of it entirely and run back to tag the next teammate. To my recollection, one year a girl had to go home because she had to eat marshmallows in one round and powdered donuts the next. When a bff did this game at her party, I puked because I had to eat Nutri Grain Bars. (Sick.) I still have fond memories nonetheless.