Restrictions

I don't travel that much, but almost every day I'm haunted, daunted and annoyed-aunted by the liquid restrictions associated with it. It's really shaped the way we trek across states, countries and continents ... not in a good way.

How many times do I have to go spend a dollar on shampoo that's going to be good for two uses? And you know what? This rule is discriminatory considering half of the products, that must be used to tame the frizzy beast that is my hair, don't come in 3 oz bottles. And forget about transferring them to those 3 oz travel bottles - I end up wasting too much to make it worth it. So basically what I'm saying is that when I travel and don't check a bag, I look like donkey dung.

So I was thinking the other day, how normal is it that when looking at bottles of things, I automatically check the liquid volume measurements with flights in mind? It's not normal at all, is the answer, not only because the aforementioned lack of travel, but the fact that most of the things I check for travel-worthiness are never things I'd take with me.

So I decided to take inventory of items in my office cube to see what would or would not make the cut. Here are the items won't be going with my on my next flight:

• Green Tabasco, 5 oz. ... oh, so close! How awesome would it be if I demanded to travel with my green tabasco? Really awesome.

• Cooper's Pure Honey bear bottle, 12 oz. ... Samsonite, I was way off!

• Sweet Pea Healing Hand Cream, 4 oz. ... This one's ok with me. I'm going to pass a law that bans any perfume scents on planes anyway. Some people really can't comprehend the word "moderation."

• Always Save brand cooking spray, 8 oz. ... Yes, it's totally normal that I have this in my food drawer. And yes, I have a food drawer.

Here is what will make the cut:

• A plastic New York snow globe, unknown oz. ... I know this isn't labeled, but there's no way this is over 3 oz. of liquid glitter. And who doesn't need to travel with a NY snow globe?

• Pallini Limoncello mini bottle, 50 ML ... (that's approximately 1.7 oz, duh.)

• Van Gogh Dutch Chocolate Vodka, 50 ML ... (see above, smarties.)

• Mozart Chocolate liqueur, .05 L ... I don't the conversion to oz on this one. Not sure why Mozart has to be an a-hole about it. Probably for the same reason that he spelled "liquor" in a dumb, dumb way.

So we could talk about the fact that I have three baby bottles of liquor on my desk - one of which is halfway empty. But I think it'd be cooler talk about the fact that two of the three alcohols are named after famous artists. When did that become a trend and when can we expect it to go away? Thanks.