Wake up call

I stayed at J's house last night and therefore took a shower there this morning. Actually, the latter part isn't what we call "a given" because I'll shoot it straight ... I don't shower every morning. Judge me if you must, but I stand behind my decision. So I opened the shower curtain in my early-morning daze, and was greeted by two of these:




One the size of a tennis ball, the other a little larger than a golf ball. I didn't even scream. My jaw just dropped and I'm pretty sure a yelp was attempted but nothing came out. I wake J up, with sincere apologies for ruining his slumber, but there is no way on this living earth I am going near these inebriatingly frightening things. I contemplated trying to take care of them on my own for about .2 seconds, but I had no idea how to even go about it because by the looks of them, I'm fairly certain they can teleport themselves into my ears or another comparable creepy place.

J shuffles into the bathroom and takes a look at the monster insects saying, "Oh, those are just cricket things." I say, "Nope. They're the devil's spawn." Then he proceeds, "Oh, there's about 50 of these down in my cellar. I wonder how they got up here." What the F?! That's supposed to make me feel better? Just great. Now they're going to come eat me in my sleep.

EDIT: Apparently they are called cave crickets. They are "harmless" but they also eat their own legs when they can't find food. Devil. Spawn.